There will be stretches during your marriage when you will ask yourself “Is this really worth it?” or “Do I really need this in my life?”.
There will be times when your marriage isn’t that exciting or fun. In fact at times you might just describe it as downright dull.
There will be times when your spouse is the last person in the world that you would want to be with at that moment.
Bottom line is that ALL marriages are downright miserable at times.
Some people ask why almost 50% of all marriages end in divorce. A better question to ask is why don’t all marriages end in divorce and for that matter, why does anyone get married in the first place?
The answer is that marriage binds you together at a deeper level in a way that no other relationship can. If nurtured that bond can grow stronger and more rewarding than ANY other relationship. The depth of the joy and happiness is far greater, more satisfying and longer lasting than any other relationship.
BUT this bond can’t be formed without time, effort, and commitment. It is a tapestry that can’t be bought pre-assembled, but instead must be woven thread by thread over many years.
There is no way around it and no way to avoid it. Marriage is difficult. It’s definitely not easy. It takes sacrifice, sweat and many, many tears.
BUT it is worth all the time and effort you can put into it. Children, women, and men are better off in every area of their lives when a couple is able to form and sustain a healthy marriage. In other words there is no other relationship or lack of a relationship where the average person can benefit more than in a healthy marriage.
So why is marriage so hard? The following equation gives us the answer. One imperfect spouse plus one imperfect spouse equals one imperfect marriage. And since you will never find one perfect spouse let alone two perfect spouses you will never find a perfect marriage!
Does it always have to be so hard? No. There are lots of things you can do to increase the joy and decrease the misery you experience in your marriage.get used to your imperfect spouse just the way they are. The alternative is to increase the misery you experience by constantly trying to force your spouse to change.
This week make a list of the imperfect qualities your spouse has that really bother you. Once you complete the list burn it and make the commitment to work as hard as you can to overlook those imperfections. Do this by making a list of all the positive qualities your spouse has. Don’t burn this list but instead memorize it so whenever you find yourself dwelling on one of their imperfections begin reciting the positive list in your mind until the negative thought is gone.
Should we overlook everything? Of course not, issues like domestic violence, adultery, drug and alcohol abuse should never be issues that you just learn to accept. If these are issues in your marriage you need to seek professional help immediately.
Fortunately the majority of us are married to spouses where it is safe to overlook their imperfections.
By doing so we can experience more of the joy and less of the misery in our marriage.
There is a story about a farmer who spent all of his life plowing fields but never planting them. Reading these tips but never implementing them will get you the same results as the farmer who plowed but never planted.