Building a Brightly Burning Marital Fire

Have you ever noticed how almost all Hollywood films end by leaving you with the impression that all their problems were solved in the 2 hour movie and then they lived happily ever after? The problem is that many of us expect the Hollywood ending for our marriages and feel we have been cheated when our marital story unfolds differently then we were expecting.

We have also become conditioned to expect a fast paced, passionate experience and when the intensity starts to fade many people say “We just don’t love each other any more.”

Not all of this can be blamed on Hollywood. Our hormones play a large role in this experience. Researchers have found that a concotion of hormones flood our body when we are “falling in love” causing a state of euphoria. The intensity of this feeling diminshes over time as the hormone levels drop back down to normal.

These hormones are like using gasoline to start a fire. It works great to get the fire going but if you don’t switch over to another source of fuel like coal the fire will quickly burn out leaving you both in the cold.

It’s easy to fall in love. It takes little if any effort on your part. But to stay in love takes time and effort. Just like with a real fire it’s easier to keep your marital relationship alive by constantly feeding it then waiting until the fire is almost out to add more fuel.

The rewards are worth all the time and effort you put into keeping your marital fire burning brightly. Researchers have found that on average children, women and men are better off in ever single area of their lives when a couple is able to form and sustain a healthy marriage.

This week renew your commitment to keeping your marital relationship fire burning brightly by constantly adding fuel to your marriage fire.

There is a story about a farmer who spent all of his life plowing fields but never planting them. Reading these tips but never implementing them will get you the same results as the farmer who plowed but never planted.

Background: 95% of married couples are either satisfied or very satisfied with their marital relationship. The unhappy 5% will either cycle back into the 95% group or get divorced. At some point almost all marriages will transition into the unhappy 5%, but most move back into the 95% group over time.

Problem: As long as a couple is satisfied with their marital relationship they aren’t likely to seek out the tools that can prevent them from entering the unhappy group. However, we have found that when people read about these tools, over 90% will implement what they learn and most will teach the information to others.

Solution: Please help get these healthy marriage tips into the hands of couples in every possible way you can think of. Together, we can help more children, women and men access the positive social outcomes associated with healthy marriages. There are several people on this list who simply forward the monthly tip to friends and family. In one case over 400 people read the healthy marriage tip because one person forwarded the tip to people he knew. Email us with other creative ideas you come up with to spread the word about these tips so we can share them with the list.